Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
