I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
