I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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