yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i think im in europe. pls send help
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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