I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
