So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
