so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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