why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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