I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
