He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
