Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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