I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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