if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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