remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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