Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
