You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
