I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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