I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
