Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
