I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No subtext here. People are naked.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
