Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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