I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
