I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
