Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
