you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
