my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
only you would photoshop your dick
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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