Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I could fuck to npr.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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