Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
