Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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