for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
