The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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