In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
