so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
