He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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