Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
