mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
