bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
