The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
