I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
