The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
