Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
