i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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