After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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