I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
