meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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