Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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