She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
