HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
