Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
