Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
