trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
