Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
