4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I want to be your penis for a week.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
