My hand turned me down
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
