I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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