Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
As shirtless as possible
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
